a catch up

For the past few days, I have done a ton of thinking, and worrying, and a bit of crying to top it all off. I was worried that my life has changed, but it has. I was also worried that there may have been a little addition to my belly, and thank god, i'm still not a mother. I know im not strong enough to handle that in this stage of my life, and the relief i felt when i knew that I was ok, and safe, was indescribable even to myself. I almost wanted to scream, or cry, or even smile at the very least-that would have been apropriate, wouldnt it? But instead i did nothing. It was as if i never had a care in the world, and just went along with my business like any normal day. That was odd for me to understand.

I know that my life is changing, and has in so many ways prior to now. I understand that things are no longer the way they were in high school, and i am ok with that. I dont miss anyone terribly bad, but i do miss the comforting feeling of having a few wonderful girls to whom i could run to at any given moment-crisis or otherwise. I dont have that anymore. They are the same girls, and so am I, but we are no longer together; forced to find our own way and find new people to become close to. Dont go thinking i have no friends here at the splendid UMF, because it seems like i say hello to everyother person i see! My roommate and i are doing well, we laugh and play around, and its great to have her to talk to. Shes so open about SO MUCH(haha) that im learning slowly to be more comfortable with things i always thought of before as things you just didnt openly chat about.