long week!

<3 style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">More stress, and less time, basically.

Now, the one thing that I would look forward to, and get overexcited for, was going to the bank. Good old UCU, made me hope for a check in the mail! I felt giddy and young like a middle school girl, especially on one day when my laughter was uncontrollable. However, my persistence got me somewhere, and I now feel so lucky! I don't get the same excitement now, because I just don't need to work so hard anymore. I don't hope to be noticed, I AM noticed, its not so much of a chase now. But I still LOVE to visit, and put a smile on that face I love to see! I've gotten what I was after, I think. But oh wait, It's still just "heading in that direction," right? So what do I even call this situation? Have I won or am I still waiting? I only wish things were not so unclear. After all, this stuff takes time, though, am I right?

My roommate is sick, and its most likely entirely my sick ass fault. Everyday of my life is filled with these damn colds, no matter what i do. That's just the sad truth, and an inconvenience for her. Sorry hun! (We bought chicken noodle soup at the world class Reny's down the road, who can compete with that?!)

My stress has peaked here, the lovely hallways of Dakin hall are so darn familiar now I'm going stir crazy, I need to get out, I need to see something more interesting than cream colored walls and dirty shower floors. This smelly microwave in the common room doesn't help me either, when the whole bottom floor begins to reek of pizza pockets and popcorn. Good separate, REALLY BAD when mixed! This past week has been a wreck, and I have missed both classes AND work, on top of illness, AND lack of sleep, makes me so very emotional. Searching for some way to chill my nerves before practice last Wednesday, I was unsuccessful, and was down for the whole night and the following morning. Today at brunch with the one and only Luke Ellis, fabulous guy, I would look at him and tear up, not really understanding why. He thought I hated the games we were playing, when really i was trying to keep the water spouts from letting loose. I hate my mind when I get like this, there isn't a whole lot I can give for an explanation, due to the fact that I just DO NOT KNOW why I get so upset sometimes. I want to be happy(I am usually 90% of the time!), I want friends, I want success, and I want to be loved, deeply and dearly, so that i may reciprocate and do the same for someone else. I only hope that I'm not setting myself up for pain like I have so many times before. Well, time will tell I suppose, its the waiting part that gets to me.

Hopefully I can handle this.
Hopefully I can remember who I am and what it is I really want.
Hopefully I'm that strong.